After years of watching women being harassed and slut shamed for engaging in moments of self-adoration that others were PRIVILEGED to glance, I’ve learned two things: 1. Nude exposers will always exist and are evil for sport and coins 2. Nude exposers will always exist because people will always want to share their nudes since it’s an act of intimacy and foreplay, which is healthy to engage. With that said, we will never stop sharing nudes but the existence of nude exposers has encouraged us to invest in better techniques to share. These are mine.
1. I always start off by fantasizing about myself becoming famous and relevant enough that my nudes from the past could tarnish my successful and well-known career. I’m a horrible liar so when I have to address the release of my nudes to my fans, will I have perfected my poker face after years of dealing with public scrutiny and tell them that I am a changed women (when lowkey I’m still as freaky but now use nude-sharing designed apps better equipped to ward off nude exposers) or will I embrace it as a proud moment of sensual freedom? I think about this EVERY SINGLE TIME I post an exposing story or share a nude. Basically, am I sure this is a picture I can tolerate being leaked in the future or is this too much?
2. The social media platform I use dictates how revealing my nudes will be. I feel much safer risking it all when I use Snapchat cause I know when a picture has been screenshotted. However, because I don’t use Snapchat often (like, twice a year), I rely on the creative freedom of Instagram. Instagram alerts users when their images have been screenshotted and offers a lot more recording styles to entice the imagination. For instance, I like to use Boomerang for a quick reveal below the waist or a flash of one boob. For longer recordings with awkward poses, I use Rewind so you’re getting all the good angles and I appear cute and not like I’m struggling. I do my best to appear flawless.
3. If I’m not in the mood, I’m not gonna send you any nudes. I send nudes for fun, when I’m bored, to get attention, to set up thirst traps, to show them what they’re missing, to tease or to snatch that guy who’d been following me for a year and finally deleted his ex-partner’s pics from his page. All the videos I make and pictures I prepare require effort and I will not put in effort for a sense of obligation. The fact is I’m too lazy and I owe you nothing. We have our ups and downs but I love my body and the biggest disrespect I could show it is forcing it to do something it doesn’t want to do, just like one should never force themselves to have sex with anyone if they’re not in the mood.
4. Because I usually send nudes for my pleasure, I never expect nudes in return. But if there is going to be a trade, it has to be established prior to either party share. I’ve encountered situations where guys send random dick pics and then ask for a little something in return (this was when I used Snapchat and I couldn’t open the app around my family cause I never knew what to expect) and unfortunately, I indulged with a “meh, why not” attitude. First of all, by catering to this random behaviour your preserving the myth that women are the submissive & ready-to-go sex creatures that men learn about from porn. Second, I didn’t ask for this picture so why are you asking me for one?
5. Nothing I send is unsolicited. If it’s someone I’m dating or if they’ve already seen me naked then nudes are typically welcomed in those situations. But if it’s someone I know likes me, I’m “talking to” or I haven’t already had sex with, then who am I to assume they’ll want to see me naked? I like to ask first and if they say yes, a mood is set. Suddenly we’re transported to a dimly light burlesque show and the one audience member is whispering and all giddy in their seat and boom, “View Photo” pops up into their DMs. Mind you, not everybody likes nudes, regardless of whether they’re in a relationship or not. That brings me to my next point.
6. My nude rules for a partner, a crush and a casual sex partner vary. This is because there are different levels of trust and familiarity in these individual relationships, but this didn’t occur to me until I had a lengthy discussion with a friend who shared that his nude rules apply to his relationship status. Interesting things came up. For instance, when he’s single, in the “talking” stage (and possibly drunk) he might shoot his shot with a mean dick print and a tiny dose of hesitation. In that case, the person’s response is up in the air but in a relationship there’s no doubt in his mind that his nudes will be well received. Meanwhile, other people might only share nudes with their significant other. Either way, if you’re not having fun and don’t feel safe then there’s no point.
7. Another friend brought this to my attention as I was writing this and I share their feels: If you respond to my nudes with an emoji, I probably won’t send you anything ever again. And don’t say, “Well what else am I supposed to say?” If you had no problem coming up with all kinds of comments/compliments when you were trying to sweet me up, then you need to maintain the same effort now that you got me. If you’ve got nothing to say then you’re waste and no nudes for you!